Boy has it been a while. 2/7/14

So I disappeared for quite some time, and many people are apparently eager to hear how I've been! I've come across many trials and tribulations, and many joys as well. One of the saddest things to happen was I lost my old journal with about 2 weeks of entries from right when I stopped. Part of the reason for my lack of updates. I also got in an accident on trail and broke my wrist and occipital bone minorly, but they are healing well so far, hopefully last doctor appointment for that will be on Monday! I plan on posting some more details about the last month or so in a later post, but I figure that it's best to just start anew. I'm here with Gary now and the initial group of john Kaspar Manja nick and I broke up a few weeks ago. I'm hiking the tongariro northern circuit with Gary and we're dealing with the rain as well as we can :) without further excuses, here's my journaling from yesterday, hopefully with more to follow!

2/7/14

I have a broken wrist, a broken face and my knee is killing me today. I feel great. Gary is here, and today we did our first day on the track. It's great to be with someone who knows me so well after being with strangers for the last few months.

 I've spent so much time thinking about who I will be and who I want to be and it's great to have someone here who knows and who can remind me who I have been. We talked today about many things, but I think one of them stands out the most to me. I'm here because I want to be. I always wanted to be. I'm doing things that I have always wanted to do but never did, either because I thought I didn't have time or because it would be too hard or I would do it another day or some such other excuse. And at the end of the day I had a list of things and places a mile long that I wanted to do it go or lead about and I hadn't done any of it. Why?

Fear. Fear is why. I was afraid I couldn't do it, afraid it was too hard, too unstable, too risky or impractical. All these ideas were out of my comfort zone and intimidating. I'll tell you something though, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of letting fear run my life, and you should be too. Go. Go dare to be great. What do you want to do, what do you KNOW you need to do but haven't yet? Do you want to move across the Country? Quit your job? Go back to school? Tell them you're in love? What is it? What is driving you mad? I know there were many things for me, and I also know once I started doing them it scared the hell out of me. It was not easy to move alone to New Zealand for 6 months. But god damn did I need to. I'm sitting here by a riverside under waterfalls with beautiful clear water spraying out over the jagged hostile  black burnt cliffs of Mordor with friends old and new. 

I feel more free than I have in years, because I'm not letting my fear run my life for me anymore. Stop saying you 'will one day'. Go do it today. There's no time like now, and you won't regret it. In fact, it will be the best thing you've ever done. And you know it, too.