happy birthday! 2/22/14

Happy birthday to me! I must confess, i definitely didn't think that i'd be spending my birthday in new zealand with gary and a few new friends recovering from a surgery, but i'm glad I am. I'm at the Tamara Lodge hostel in Wanganui and Gary will leave to go south tomorrow while i stay and recover. It's sucks that he has to leave, but i'm already looking forward to hearing about his solo experience when we meet back up again in march. I think it will be good for him. Luckily I won't be here all alone for the next couple of weeks. we've made friends with several people from the hostel including the germans Esther and Eustus (here now but shortly departing) and Venus, an American girl who's going to be working here the entire time I recover. Everyone has been incredibly kind to me as i recover. My cab driver, and the receptionist at the hospital both offered their homes to me during my recovery, but I haven't taken them up on their generosity because the Tamara is so comfortable and I've been getting so much support here as  well. People are so kind. I'm really happy to have Venus staying here with me to help me out.

It's been an interesting kind of challenge trying to do everything over the last few weeks with only my left hand, including this blog post. so sorry in advance for the inevitable increase in typos lol.

As i said, I never really expected to be here now, or in this situation. Traveling like this has always been an idea of mine, but one that I thought might never actually be realized. This trip has been unexpected and different in so many ways and it has taught me so many things. Now here i sit injured and stationary at a time where I thought id be on a grand adventure, but i just have to take it as part of the adventure itself. I'm sitting here with an itch to leave and move on, but I must remain. It gives me time to think and write. both to think of my past and future. I find that happens to me when I stop moving. I start to think more and more of what I'm doing and where I'm going. Here I am now at a standstill in the middle of my trip wondering what it's all for. What is this about? where will it take me? These aren't questions I was preoccupied with when I was moving. I was more focused on the present. On the new places and people surrounding me daily. Now that I have a solid base of operation, and a place with people I am familiar with I am finding myself asking the same questions that I was in the states. Namely, Where am I going, where do I want to go, and am I doing everything I can to get there? I feel like every time I slow down or stop these questions resurface, and i start to think of what's next. the uncertainty can be unsettling at times, but it is simultaneously liberating if you look at it right.

When I was in Utah i was so frustrated I didn't know my future. I felt like I should know what I want to do. I felt like I was slipping behind those around me, especially from Williams who were well on their career paths. I was sitting there uncertain. My whole life, I have been told I can do whatever I want, and when I came back to Williams I really lived by that. I began to study the things that truly interested me, and enjoyed myself. I started to live life on my terms and I didn't know where that was going to take me. The freedom was intoxicating. This uncertainty that I am talking about has been both a blessing and a curse to me. We can do anything we want in this life, it's just hard to see how sometimes. When we make that realization, however, we are finally presented with something that many of us yearn for. freedom. True freedom. not the cheap bullshit they sell you in beer commercials, but the freedom to be who you want to be. To do as much or as little as you desire. the freedom to choose who you are.

This comes at a cost though, and that cost is accountability. When you see that you can do anything, you also realize the choice is yours and yours alone. This was and is hard for me. With so many choices laid out in front of me, how can I be sure I'm making the right one? How can I be sure that there wasn't something else I should do? could do? It is very easy to become overwhelmed and frozen in the face of freedom. To second guess, third guess myself. To feel the pressure of getting it right. With so many opportunities, who am I to squander what so many would work so hard for? The pressure is daunting. This is where faith comes in. For me, it comes down to faith in myself. For many of my friends it is faith in God or the universe or logic, but the key is that it comes down to faith. faith that the right thing is happening and the right thing will happen for you. I require faith in my own moral code and direction to feel like I am on the right path of the many available to me. This faith is shaken from time to time and requires constant analysis and vigilance to bolster it. This provides me with strength and weakness. When I question my path and position, it becomes hard to be confident in what I am doing. But when I know I am right I know I have found that choice through solid analysis and I am steadfast in my position. A big part of this strength comes from examining as many options available to me as possible before making my choices to see what does and does not work. If you had said that I would be spending my birthday in a foreign country with mostly people I don't know recovering from surgery I would have been surprised a yer ago. But I'm sure as hell glad I am, because I needed to see this path. Now I have to decide if I'll stay on it.

Boy has it been a while. 2/7/14

So I disappeared for quite some time, and many people are apparently eager to hear how I've been! I've come across many trials and tribulations, and many joys as well. One of the saddest things to happen was I lost my old journal with about 2 weeks of entries from right when I stopped. Part of the reason for my lack of updates. I also got in an accident on trail and broke my wrist and occipital bone minorly, but they are healing well so far, hopefully last doctor appointment for that will be on Monday! I plan on posting some more details about the last month or so in a later post, but I figure that it's best to just start anew. I'm here with Gary now and the initial group of john Kaspar Manja nick and I broke up a few weeks ago. I'm hiking the tongariro northern circuit with Gary and we're dealing with the rain as well as we can :) without further excuses, here's my journaling from yesterday, hopefully with more to follow!

2/7/14

I have a broken wrist, a broken face and my knee is killing me today. I feel great. Gary is here, and today we did our first day on the track. It's great to be with someone who knows me so well after being with strangers for the last few months.

 I've spent so much time thinking about who I will be and who I want to be and it's great to have someone here who knows and who can remind me who I have been. We talked today about many things, but I think one of them stands out the most to me. I'm here because I want to be. I always wanted to be. I'm doing things that I have always wanted to do but never did, either because I thought I didn't have time or because it would be too hard or I would do it another day or some such other excuse. And at the end of the day I had a list of things and places a mile long that I wanted to do it go or lead about and I hadn't done any of it. Why?

Fear. Fear is why. I was afraid I couldn't do it, afraid it was too hard, too unstable, too risky or impractical. All these ideas were out of my comfort zone and intimidating. I'll tell you something though, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of letting fear run my life, and you should be too. Go. Go dare to be great. What do you want to do, what do you KNOW you need to do but haven't yet? Do you want to move across the Country? Quit your job? Go back to school? Tell them you're in love? What is it? What is driving you mad? I know there were many things for me, and I also know once I started doing them it scared the hell out of me. It was not easy to move alone to New Zealand for 6 months. But god damn did I need to. I'm sitting here by a riverside under waterfalls with beautiful clear water spraying out over the jagged hostile  black burnt cliffs of Mordor with friends old and new. 

I feel more free than I have in years, because I'm not letting my fear run my life for me anymore. Stop saying you 'will one day'. Go do it today. There's no time like now, and you won't regret it. In fact, it will be the best thing you've ever done. And you know it, too.

Little Planet Lodge and the Glow worm caves

Today I woke up nice and late at Whangarei falls and spent the day down in Whangarei waiting for Stefanie to return from her dive adventure for the day. I walked around the small town that I had gotten to know at least a bit, and was amazed how many familiar faces I saw. When Stefanie was done, we moved to the Little Planet Lodge, also known as the best hostel I've stayed at. By far. Not even close. You must go there. We arrived in the late afternoon and went for a walk in their backyard which has 3 large glow worm caves in it. We walked through nice fields filled with large foreign trees until we found the small entrances to the caves filled with streams. Immediately inside we began to appreciate the amazing nature of the worms. They lit up the ceilings and the walls of the caves everywhere. We walked in for a while and found a place in the first cave with a 100 foot ceiling and a tiny hole at the top that reached the surface. A minuscule bit of light was peeking through as the sun outside set. We sat in that cavern until that light went away, and the starlight we were entertained by came not from the sky but beneath the earth. The worms were everywhere, like a galaxy on the ceiling. \The sound in the caves was incredible with the river running through. We sat there for what felt like hours before returning to little planet and enjoying the company of our hostel mates in the kitchen and heading to bed. It was a small adventure with great rewards. It's amazing to think I didn't know Stefanie before yesterday, and today we went on a great caving adventure. Travelling is awesome, and sometimes the smallest holes in the ground have entire worlds in them to explore.

day 22: Whangarei 0 day

Today is known as the day of fate. I went out this morning and met David at the Quarry Gardens so that he could return my heart pouch to me. The fact that I was even the one who had gotten his number was lucky, and I was able to get in touch with him and he was working when I was in Whangarei. great. Just the beginning of my luck today. I bought some things that I was going to mail home to my family in the US, and on one package I elected to get the express delivery. I needed to full out the larger customs form for the express delivery. When I did that I realized that I had filled out the adress wrong. If i hadn't needed the other customs form, that package would have been lost in international mail forever with no tracking number. On the way out of the post office, I dropped another small gift from my pocket. I received a call 5 minutes later from the post office on the FINAL minute of my pre pay plan informing me that my gift was found on the floor by a patron and returned. They would not have had my number if I had not filled out the larger customs form. I thanked them and said I would be right there, because on the way out of the post office I ran into a friend from the hostel last night, and we decided to get a coffee.. right next door. I walked over 10 seconds later and received my gift back. Surely that's the end of my luck for today? Surely not! I spent a few more hours in Whangarei, and then started walking to the last bus up to the hostel. I got turned around on my way out of town, and realized I was going to miss the bus by about 2 minutes. I was not looking forward to the walk back home. Then out of nowhere I hear 'BEN!'. What. I'm in New Zealand. who knows my name? I turn around and it's none other than OT! he's just getting off his job, and offers to give me a ride back to the hostel. I walk with him back to his house and we hang out for a while chatting and then drive back up to my hostel. He lets me know when and where a great NZ music festival is in february right after Gary gets here, so I'm now looking forward to that possibility as well. I get into my hostel room and find a new group of people there that are fun and kind. We talk for a long time, and one of them, Stefanie talks to me about some nearby Glowworm caves that she wants to visit tomorrow, so I think i'm going to join her on that adventure as well. After all, Whangarei has been kind of a bust when it comes to outdoor activities. Today, however, kicked ass. It's days like these that make you think someone is out there looking out for you. What an incredible experience, just the experience of living like this has been awesome. Carpe Diem.

Pataua hitch to Whangarei

Yesterday I realized that I had left my heart pouch behind at David and Miriam's house, so this morning when wveyone woke up early, I opted to sleep in and hitch into Whangarei for a 0 day. I figured it's the city of the northland, I could get some Christmas gifts and mail them, and I could see David at his work and get my heart pouch back. I slept in and began walking down the lonely road from Pataua South. It was a long 7k down a nice secluded stretch of road before I was picked up by a fantastic woman who took me to her home on the outskirts of Whangarei. Wee were there briefly while she gathered some things, then she took me into the town itself. I was less than astounded by Whangarei, but it's a nice little town for what it is. I treated myself to a nice lunch and Caipirinhas on the harbor, reminiscing back to Ecuador years ago. It was a good urban break from the trail life, but it was already beginning to wear on me. I walked around, checked out the shops and the storefronts, walked in town for a few hours and quickly realized that i've seen all of whangarei there was to see. A nice town, but nothing special. I resolved to stay the day tomorrow and get some boring things done before heading back on the trail. I needed to print out the new maps, figure out where gary is meeting me etc. we'll see what tomorrow holds.

Day 20 Ngunguru- Pataua South

We woke up today on a lazy Sunday morning, and David offered to drive us to the head of our next trail cutting off a ton of awful road walking through deforested areas. We gratefully took him up on it, and got his information so that we could get in touch with them if we ever found ourselves in northern NZ again :). We walked down into our 'forest track' through massive deforestation on a hot sunny road. We got into the valley and had about 2k of actual woods before getting to the end and then hiking up the back side of the same mountain on hot, sunny, deforested roads. We would have loved to see the tall pine forests described, but instead we merely glimpsed the destruction of man. It was a sad section of track to have starting the day . We began walking afterwards down the road towards Pataua South. Nick hitched a ride with a local almost immediately, but the rest of us opted to continue on. We all split up far on the road, frustrated at a less than spectacular day. John passed myself Kaspar and Manja in a car and informed us that he had blown his knee out on the road behind us and he'd meet us in Pataua. We wished him well and soldiered on. About 3 hours later of fast hiking, Kaspar Manja and I were walking together when we saw a big banner declaring Double Brown Fest 2013! and a field with a tent and some people in it. We looked in curiosity and heard them call out "Ey! want a cold beer?!' to which we instantly responded 'Of Course!'. This is how WE met OT, Cris, and friends whose names I didn't write down and now regret. They are a group of childhood freinds who for the last 7 years have been gathering on their friend's farm and hosting a big party celebrating their long friendship. We came into the picture the morning after. It actually turned out that OT was the guy that had picked up Nick and taken him to Pataua earlier that day!. We stopped for a while, had a couple of beers, and then figured we should probably head back onto the road. We gave our thanks and moved on towards Treasure Island campsite for the night.

After about 5k more we entered the beautiful isolated village of Pataua North/South. A village split by a large Estuary joined by a gorgeous footbridge with a large mountain looming over their own sheltered cove on the ocean. There were many people on the beach and children collecting mussels and starfish in the water during low tide. Right before we got on the footbridge, OT pulled up behind us and passed us a case of beer and a bottle of homemade plum wine, explaining that they had too much left over from double brown fest. We thanked him and took it off his hands before walking across the great bridge to Treasure Island Campground, right underneath the hill over the cove. We joined up with John and Nick and were glad to see that John was doing alright and planned to continue with us in the morning. We did some laundry and I went for a swim in the cove only to discover it completely full of sea life. The sheltered bay was a perfect place for starfish sea urchins and eels. I swam with them for a short time then went back to the campsite for dinner and drinks with the group. We looked at the mountain and decided it needed to be hiked for the sunset. What a perfect decision that was. Manja Kaspar and I got to the peak just before sunset, and watched the last light descend over the tiny village of Pataua sheltered away from the mighty pacific ocean. It was an incredible cliff to be up on top of looking down on the entirety of the town as the last light faded away. We got to bed and talked of waking up very early the next morning to get across the estuary at low tide. Not something I was looking forward to >.<

Day 19 Whananaki- Ngunguru

We left Whananaki this morning after some decent fish and chips from the small store by camp and walked across an awesome footbridge crossing their estuary. From there we got a bit lost out on a spit, but we had a cool detour across the spit through a nice tall pine forest from beach to secluded beach. It was a great way to start a day. We were still sore from yesterday, and everyone had pains flaring up throughout the day. As we left Whananaki and moved towards Ngunguru we were treated with some spectacular views overlooking the ocean and fantastic homes with private beaches miles from the nearest town. The country was beautiful, and the coast breathtaking. The trail was nice, and we kept getting closer to Nguinguru. We had a fairly hot unshaded section right before town, and we were all sore afterwards when we were spit out on the final road section. We were walking into town and Nick and Manja dropped back to change ytheir shoes, and as we waited for them, we saw a runner stop and chat with them. She caught up with us after that, and told us her name is Miriam, and we are more than welcome to come pitch tents in her back yard for the night. We took her up on her offer, and walked to her home from there. About 20 minutes later we were introduced to her partner David and their wonderful little girl Nina.

They had just moved into the small coastal town of Ngunguru as David had gotten a new job as manager of the (awesome and beautiful) Quarry Gardens in Whangarei. We set up our tents chatting and then hobbled ourselves to dinner at the local cafe. The chef was actually an American woman, and she cooked the best fish and chips I have had in NZ. By \far. They also had homemade cakes and pies that were to die for. Probably the best carrot cake I've ever had in my life. We bought many cakes, pies, fish and beer and wine and shared a little bit of everything, loving the little slice of heaven we had found with fantastic fresh food in the great tiny town of Ngunguru. We went back to David and Miriam's place far less sore and more happy and stayed up with them for quite a while through the night entertaining Nina and chatting about everything from where we were from to where we were going, why we love travelling etc.

The conversation was refreshing and it was great to meet some fellow travelers, as they had just returned from several months in Europe visiting Miriam's family in Germany. Travelling has shown me one great thing so far, and that's that fellow travelers seem to be far more open to each other. More willing to share their homes and their hearts and their stories with one another. In a way like no other community I have been a part of. It's understood that we travel to learn. We travel to share, we travel to hear stories and share stories and enjoy things we don't know Travelling is broadening our minds hearts and worlds of experience, and it's an unbelievable community to get to be a part of. Nina is lucky to have gotten such an early start with such amazing parents! We got to bed, and I noticed my soreness was far less than what it was when I got into town. Sometimes the best ure for physical ailments is just having company there to make you forget about it for a while. I went to bed looking forward to the next morning, and I slept like a rock through the night on their soft grass.