Poetry

Humility

We imagine ourselves as conquerors of the world.

We hide away in our sterilized, artificial caves,

Looking around with trepidation and disdain at what surrounds us.

all we have conquered are the memories of our ancestors.

spend a week outside without care for comfort. 

Cross the streams and climb the mountains of your homeland.

spend time with the trees and the insects and the animals.

sleep under the New Moon stars.

Remember the ways we survived in your lands.

Remember the terrific splendor that envelops us.

Remember that you are an animal.

and you will remember humility.

Be open

I've been thinking a lot lately about the great friends that I have made while on this trail. Not only in New Zealand, but also at home. I've had several friends comment to me that this blog has let them get to know me more deeply than they had been able to before. I have deepened many relationships at home simply by leaving. I think a main reason for this is that while I have been in New Zealand I have made a conscious effort to be more open with myself and others. I talk more plainly about who I am and where I am from with those around me. As a result, I have forged and strengthened many friendships here.

It is easy to be open while travelling, the people you meet you often leave soon thereafter and can avoid contacting ever again. It is a great place to practice. I have found with my openness that it is almost always mirrored. People want to share, people need to share. People are afraid to share though. Travelling gives us a safety net of an ethereal nomadic existence void of commitment. But what it has shown me is how important being open is. 

I stopped posting narrative blogs and started posting more intellectual blogs because every time I posted my thoughts, I recieved feedback on them. It was great to hear ideas from people that I hadn't heard from in a while as well as the people that I thought about whole writing them. It felt good to be open about what was in my mind, and as a result I got closer with many of my friends. It hasn't been easy posting things like this, but I am incredibly grateful that I have been. It is scary to put yourself out there, but it is the only way to be understood. I encourage all of us to be more open with our thoughts. Being open carries with it vulnerabilities. Embrace them. We are all vulnerable, there is no need to hide it.

We can only love by being open. Openness makes us vulnerable. The more deeply we love, the more open we can be. To truly give of yourself to someone requires you to give them access to your grief, your sorrow, your fear, and your loneliness. Only then can you experience their love. Only then can you show them your love. Talk to someone you love today. Don't be afraid to be afraid. Be open. 

Thanks to everyone who reads my ramblings, I'll post more of a status and pretty pictures update soon(TM) 

Spontaneous adventures!

3/18/14

So, where have I been? It's been a while!  I ended up staying at the Tamara lodge for about a month and there I met a great many friends, including a great British couple Tim and Jo, a couple of German roommates Stephan and his friend, a German girl named ester stayed for quite a while as well, and of course Venus was there the whole time being excellent company and helping me through being completely useless with my right hand. 

We had some adventure, but there are limited things to do in the town of wanganui and we sat around for most of the last half of the month relaxing healing up and watching a lot of the west wing. It was good for a while to relax, but soon enough I was yearning for the trail. 

I got a ferry ticket down to picton, said goodbye to Venus and headed south to Wellington. I boarded the ferry the next evening and met a nice Aussie bloke who goes by the name Burkie. He is a commercial diver and we spent time talking about diving locations is Australia among many other things. After a while I got up for a wander around the ship for a bit. The sun was setting over the ocean with a resplendent Fiery glow. The light of the sun gave way to the velvet black of the night in a way that I don't often see. 

The endless expanse of slow rolling waves helped to highlight the immense scale of the ocean around me. As I looked out over the bow I saw the South Island emerge from the darkness. I felt a sense of adventure return once again. Unexplored new lands lay ahead. 

I've been walking towards this Island for months and finally here it is in front of me ready to be experienced. I went back inside and shared a few beers with Burkie as we talked about life and adventure, and I was glad to be moving again. We got into picton around 10 that night and I walked to my hostel where I quickly went to sleep. 

I awoke the next morning to explore beautiful picton. It is an idyllic little harbor community with several parks and short walks around it in the surrounding mountains. 

I made a few friends in the hostel and we walked around and did a short walk to bobs bay for a little outdoor time. It was a great first day on the South Island and a nice place to stay a night. The next morning I decided I would hitch to havelock where I would meet a couple that hosted Gary for a night named Greg and Jenny. I went to bed and was awoken around 1:30 by a girl whose ferry was 6 hours delayed entering the room. I quickly went back to sleep, and the next morning I woke up and we were the only 2 remaining in the 10 person room, so we decided to go get breakfast. This is how Martina and I met. She was hitching south that day to meet a friend and all I had to do was hitch to havelock, so neither of us were in a rush. After breakfast we went to our separate roads to begin hitching but stayed in touch texting. We both quickly got rides, and I went to havelock with a couple of nice German guys. Me and the guys had lunch in havelock and they continued on. I waited at the cafe for Greg and Jenny to get off work, and chatted with Martina who told me about her plans to rent a car in Christchurch and go visit edoras. At the time I was thinking I was going to have to wait for Gary a few more days, and it sounded like an awesome trip so I decided to go with her. 

All I had to do was get to Christchurch the next day. I figured I would hitch in the morning and it would be fine. Then, all of the sudden, I hear someone call my name on the street in this tiny nz town I had never been in before. It was Alex, a fellow Eph that I met several weeks ago in Wellington. She was in havelock for lunch with some friends. I told her that I was trying to get to chch the next day, and she said she was going right after lunch. It was perfect. I sent an e mail to greg and Jenny thanking them for their kindness and apologizing because I couldn't stay and got in the car with Alex on the way to Christchurch. It was a long drive filled with good conversation both about the past and the future, and I'm happy to say I came out in Christchurch with a new friend. She dropped me off at gabe Lewis' house (another fellow Eph) where I stayed the night. Gabe is ta for a geoscience abroad program in Christchurch and he lives with the other students in a great house near campus. Martina came in the next day and they even graciously offered to let her stay there as well. We stayed there that night and the following morning went to go rent a car and take off for edoras. 

We went towards edoras listening to lord of the rings music and chatting. We approached mt. Sunday and watched as the scenery transformed to a massive valley with rolling hills of grass and talked about how perfect it would be for horse kingdom.

 We made a final turn around a mountain and there it was spread out under us. A huge valley with a small peak in the middle where we both knew there should be the throne castle of a king. It was a perfect place, a jewel set in the middle of a valley carved out of massive mountains by crystal clear turquoise streams carefully braided throughout.

 We got out and hiked to the top where we stayed for an hour or two marvelling at the wind and the view. The seeds of the thistles blew in the air like dandelions, just as on film in the movies, it felt like we were in edoras.

 We left after enjoying ourselves thoroughly and made our way into Springfield, New Zealand. We found a small hostel for the night and made dinner. After dinner Martina proposed a late night walk before bed, I figured why not. We walked about a mile out of town and stared at the moon and stars in this remote hamlet isolated from light pollution by surrounding mountains talking about space and our place in the universe. When we got back we both fell asleep instantly. It was an incredible day.

We woke up the next morning late and well rested. The host was upset we hadn't left by 10:30 as check out was 10. We got back in the car and made our way towards Arthur's pass. On the way we saw an incredible place with massive boulders scattered in the middle of a golden field. It looked like climber's paradise, and I knew I had to take some pics of the rock to show teancum. 

We played around in the boulder field and found a really cool formation someone made.

 I was really glad we decided to stop when we saw the formation, it was definitely one of the more unique areas I have been in on this trip. We left after climbing around for a bit and went towards the pass. We decided to do an easy hike up to the devils punchbowl, a 130m waterfall. We got up there and there was a viewing platform. It was spectacular, but we couldn't see the pool under the falls, so I decided to climb up to it, and it was worth it. The falls cascaded into a shallow pool that was radiant blue. 

We walked up to it and a nice French guy took our picture. It was nice up there away from most of the rest of the tourists.

 After that hike we were going to go for a few others but decided to turn back as the weather turned sour. Our turnabout had a 500m hike to something called the turquoise pools. We decided that was more than worth a look and set off down the path. We arrived at a beautiful small waterfall lined with deep eddies of turquoise and emerald. It was quite a serene place. As we left, I reflected on another great day. We drove back to Christchurch and spent another couple of days with gabe and the geoscience group. We even got to have an American themed college house party, it was a blast. After a couple of days Martina departed for the Philippines, and I spent another couple of days in Christchurch waiting for Gary as a tropical depression passed over nz.

The day I was supposed to hear from Gary came and went and I decided to go check on him. I began hiking to Boyle village and it took me most of the day to get close. I was in the remote town of waikari, and it was about 5:30. I was about to give up and began walking to a hostel. I decided to toss my thumb out as a truck passed which I usually don't even bother trying and the truck stopped for me instantly. I clambered up into the cab and met Daryl. He is the owner of a trucking company who was covering for one of his drivers who couldn't make his normal run. We had a couple of hours to get to Boyle village and on the way I was talking to him about meeting Gary and being out for a few days. I just needed to shop in Boyle. He laughed. Little did I know that Boyle is a group of small usually empty baches with no services. Shit. Little did I also know that Daryl is incredible. He told me that he had to make this run tomorrow as well, and if I just wrote down what I needed he would go shopping for me. I was incredibly grateful, and wrote down some crucial things I was missing. I resolved to meet him where he dropped me off the next day and he headed off. I walked up to Boyle village where I met a school etcher and some leaders at a retreat lodge. I asked them if they had see. Gary but they hadn't, and said that maybe the manager would have seen him. I figured I could wait and figure it out the next day.

  I set up my tent in a light rain and went to bed for a poor night's sleep. When I woke up in the morning I looked around and asked about traces of Gary but he hadn't been seen. Boyle has no service, so I thought maybe he just booked it through and was already on the next section.

 I figured I would get a ride out and back to Christchurch where I would wait for his call. Luckily I already knew a guy going there! I waited for Daryl to return that evening and asked him if he wouldn't mind me tagging along on his route back to Christchurch overnight. He agreed to take me, and the second I got back in service I got a text from Gary. I had missed him the previous day by about an hour at Boyle, and he was in the town right behind me. I decided to continue on with Daryl on his route and he could drop me off by Gary on the way back, leaving a small hitch the following morning. Daryl and I drove through the night delivering bread for the entirety of the northern South Island and talking about life. I learned a great many things from Daryl, not only about trucking and power napping, but also about myself. Our conversations ranged from jet planes to life goals, and I had a great time. 

I was dropped off in waipara at around 3 am and climbed into a bunk I had booked for a few hours sleep before heading out to find Gary. I started hitching around 8 and got a ride with a great guy in construction who offered me a job and told me about a great pie shop In the town where he dropped me off. I got a delicious breakfast pie, the best I've Had in nz, and continued hitching. I got a ride straight through to where I would meet Gary and waited. And waited. And about 5 hours later Gary came through. We shared a few beers given to him on his hitch and bit the road. Right as we left, Daryl passed me one last time, beginning his nightly bread Route, it was great to be able to wave to him as he passed so he knew i was finally on my way. 

In all of these adventures one thing has stuck out to me the most. In just the last week I've made several friends that I hope to keep with me for years to come, and we met because I took risks. I was spontaneous. Martina mentioned to me as we talked about going to Edoras that my spontaneity was refreshing and unusual and I've been thinking about the broader truth present in that. For me, this entire trip has been based in spontaneity and seizing moments. This has been crucial to everything I've done and lead to some of my best adventures. It introduces me to new people places and things. One of the most important reasons to be spontaneous I think is that it implies courage and faith. To be spontaneous we need courage and the faith that whatever comes next will work out. I stayed in wanganui for nearly a month and met Venus and had a great friend and support that whole time. I picked up and left and found Martina within a day and decided to just go on an adventure. That let me meet Alex and gabe and cc and Kelsey and everyone in Christchurch. I decided to hitch and meet Gary, then randomly tried to get a hitch right before bed from a trucker which introduced me to Daryl. I decided to stick with him on an overnight truck route and learned a ton and had a blast. The spontaneity of the last week has introduced me to some great friends and adventures, all because I knew that whatever came my way I could make it work. I had faith in myself, my path and the people around me. I'd like to thank everyone for helping to make this adventure so epic, and especially Gary for letting me traipse around the South Island for a week or so before coming to meet him. Now, back to the trail. Let's see where it goes next!

happy birthday! 2/22/14

Happy birthday to me! I must confess, i definitely didn't think that i'd be spending my birthday in new zealand with gary and a few new friends recovering from a surgery, but i'm glad I am. I'm at the Tamara Lodge hostel in Wanganui and Gary will leave to go south tomorrow while i stay and recover. It's sucks that he has to leave, but i'm already looking forward to hearing about his solo experience when we meet back up again in march. I think it will be good for him. Luckily I won't be here all alone for the next couple of weeks. we've made friends with several people from the hostel including the germans Esther and Eustus (here now but shortly departing) and Venus, an American girl who's going to be working here the entire time I recover. Everyone has been incredibly kind to me as i recover. My cab driver, and the receptionist at the hospital both offered their homes to me during my recovery, but I haven't taken them up on their generosity because the Tamara is so comfortable and I've been getting so much support here as  well. People are so kind. I'm really happy to have Venus staying here with me to help me out.

It's been an interesting kind of challenge trying to do everything over the last few weeks with only my left hand, including this blog post. so sorry in advance for the inevitable increase in typos lol.

As i said, I never really expected to be here now, or in this situation. Traveling like this has always been an idea of mine, but one that I thought might never actually be realized. This trip has been unexpected and different in so many ways and it has taught me so many things. Now here i sit injured and stationary at a time where I thought id be on a grand adventure, but i just have to take it as part of the adventure itself. I'm sitting here with an itch to leave and move on, but I must remain. It gives me time to think and write. both to think of my past and future. I find that happens to me when I stop moving. I start to think more and more of what I'm doing and where I'm going. Here I am now at a standstill in the middle of my trip wondering what it's all for. What is this about? where will it take me? These aren't questions I was preoccupied with when I was moving. I was more focused on the present. On the new places and people surrounding me daily. Now that I have a solid base of operation, and a place with people I am familiar with I am finding myself asking the same questions that I was in the states. Namely, Where am I going, where do I want to go, and am I doing everything I can to get there? I feel like every time I slow down or stop these questions resurface, and i start to think of what's next. the uncertainty can be unsettling at times, but it is simultaneously liberating if you look at it right.

When I was in Utah i was so frustrated I didn't know my future. I felt like I should know what I want to do. I felt like I was slipping behind those around me, especially from Williams who were well on their career paths. I was sitting there uncertain. My whole life, I have been told I can do whatever I want, and when I came back to Williams I really lived by that. I began to study the things that truly interested me, and enjoyed myself. I started to live life on my terms and I didn't know where that was going to take me. The freedom was intoxicating. This uncertainty that I am talking about has been both a blessing and a curse to me. We can do anything we want in this life, it's just hard to see how sometimes. When we make that realization, however, we are finally presented with something that many of us yearn for. freedom. True freedom. not the cheap bullshit they sell you in beer commercials, but the freedom to be who you want to be. To do as much or as little as you desire. the freedom to choose who you are.

This comes at a cost though, and that cost is accountability. When you see that you can do anything, you also realize the choice is yours and yours alone. This was and is hard for me. With so many choices laid out in front of me, how can I be sure I'm making the right one? How can I be sure that there wasn't something else I should do? could do? It is very easy to become overwhelmed and frozen in the face of freedom. To second guess, third guess myself. To feel the pressure of getting it right. With so many opportunities, who am I to squander what so many would work so hard for? The pressure is daunting. This is where faith comes in. For me, it comes down to faith in myself. For many of my friends it is faith in God or the universe or logic, but the key is that it comes down to faith. faith that the right thing is happening and the right thing will happen for you. I require faith in my own moral code and direction to feel like I am on the right path of the many available to me. This faith is shaken from time to time and requires constant analysis and vigilance to bolster it. This provides me with strength and weakness. When I question my path and position, it becomes hard to be confident in what I am doing. But when I know I am right I know I have found that choice through solid analysis and I am steadfast in my position. A big part of this strength comes from examining as many options available to me as possible before making my choices to see what does and does not work. If you had said that I would be spending my birthday in a foreign country with mostly people I don't know recovering from surgery I would have been surprised a yer ago. But I'm sure as hell glad I am, because I needed to see this path. Now I have to decide if I'll stay on it.

Boy has it been a while. 2/7/14

So I disappeared for quite some time, and many people are apparently eager to hear how I've been! I've come across many trials and tribulations, and many joys as well. One of the saddest things to happen was I lost my old journal with about 2 weeks of entries from right when I stopped. Part of the reason for my lack of updates. I also got in an accident on trail and broke my wrist and occipital bone minorly, but they are healing well so far, hopefully last doctor appointment for that will be on Monday! I plan on posting some more details about the last month or so in a later post, but I figure that it's best to just start anew. I'm here with Gary now and the initial group of john Kaspar Manja nick and I broke up a few weeks ago. I'm hiking the tongariro northern circuit with Gary and we're dealing with the rain as well as we can :) without further excuses, here's my journaling from yesterday, hopefully with more to follow!

2/7/14

I have a broken wrist, a broken face and my knee is killing me today. I feel great. Gary is here, and today we did our first day on the track. It's great to be with someone who knows me so well after being with strangers for the last few months.

 I've spent so much time thinking about who I will be and who I want to be and it's great to have someone here who knows and who can remind me who I have been. We talked today about many things, but I think one of them stands out the most to me. I'm here because I want to be. I always wanted to be. I'm doing things that I have always wanted to do but never did, either because I thought I didn't have time or because it would be too hard or I would do it another day or some such other excuse. And at the end of the day I had a list of things and places a mile long that I wanted to do it go or lead about and I hadn't done any of it. Why?

Fear. Fear is why. I was afraid I couldn't do it, afraid it was too hard, too unstable, too risky or impractical. All these ideas were out of my comfort zone and intimidating. I'll tell you something though, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of letting fear run my life, and you should be too. Go. Go dare to be great. What do you want to do, what do you KNOW you need to do but haven't yet? Do you want to move across the Country? Quit your job? Go back to school? Tell them you're in love? What is it? What is driving you mad? I know there were many things for me, and I also know once I started doing them it scared the hell out of me. It was not easy to move alone to New Zealand for 6 months. But god damn did I need to. I'm sitting here by a riverside under waterfalls with beautiful clear water spraying out over the jagged hostile  black burnt cliffs of Mordor with friends old and new. 

I feel more free than I have in years, because I'm not letting my fear run my life for me anymore. Stop saying you 'will one day'. Go do it today. There's no time like now, and you won't regret it. In fact, it will be the best thing you've ever done. And you know it, too.

Little Planet Lodge and the Glow worm caves

Today I woke up nice and late at Whangarei falls and spent the day down in Whangarei waiting for Stefanie to return from her dive adventure for the day. I walked around the small town that I had gotten to know at least a bit, and was amazed how many familiar faces I saw. When Stefanie was done, we moved to the Little Planet Lodge, also known as the best hostel I've stayed at. By far. Not even close. You must go there. We arrived in the late afternoon and went for a walk in their backyard which has 3 large glow worm caves in it. We walked through nice fields filled with large foreign trees until we found the small entrances to the caves filled with streams. Immediately inside we began to appreciate the amazing nature of the worms. They lit up the ceilings and the walls of the caves everywhere. We walked in for a while and found a place in the first cave with a 100 foot ceiling and a tiny hole at the top that reached the surface. A minuscule bit of light was peeking through as the sun outside set. We sat in that cavern until that light went away, and the starlight we were entertained by came not from the sky but beneath the earth. The worms were everywhere, like a galaxy on the ceiling. \The sound in the caves was incredible with the river running through. We sat there for what felt like hours before returning to little planet and enjoying the company of our hostel mates in the kitchen and heading to bed. It was a small adventure with great rewards. It's amazing to think I didn't know Stefanie before yesterday, and today we went on a great caving adventure. Travelling is awesome, and sometimes the smallest holes in the ground have entire worlds in them to explore.

day 22: Whangarei 0 day

Today is known as the day of fate. I went out this morning and met David at the Quarry Gardens so that he could return my heart pouch to me. The fact that I was even the one who had gotten his number was lucky, and I was able to get in touch with him and he was working when I was in Whangarei. great. Just the beginning of my luck today. I bought some things that I was going to mail home to my family in the US, and on one package I elected to get the express delivery. I needed to full out the larger customs form for the express delivery. When I did that I realized that I had filled out the adress wrong. If i hadn't needed the other customs form, that package would have been lost in international mail forever with no tracking number. On the way out of the post office, I dropped another small gift from my pocket. I received a call 5 minutes later from the post office on the FINAL minute of my pre pay plan informing me that my gift was found on the floor by a patron and returned. They would not have had my number if I had not filled out the larger customs form. I thanked them and said I would be right there, because on the way out of the post office I ran into a friend from the hostel last night, and we decided to get a coffee.. right next door. I walked over 10 seconds later and received my gift back. Surely that's the end of my luck for today? Surely not! I spent a few more hours in Whangarei, and then started walking to the last bus up to the hostel. I got turned around on my way out of town, and realized I was going to miss the bus by about 2 minutes. I was not looking forward to the walk back home. Then out of nowhere I hear 'BEN!'. What. I'm in New Zealand. who knows my name? I turn around and it's none other than OT! he's just getting off his job, and offers to give me a ride back to the hostel. I walk with him back to his house and we hang out for a while chatting and then drive back up to my hostel. He lets me know when and where a great NZ music festival is in february right after Gary gets here, so I'm now looking forward to that possibility as well. I get into my hostel room and find a new group of people there that are fun and kind. We talk for a long time, and one of them, Stefanie talks to me about some nearby Glowworm caves that she wants to visit tomorrow, so I think i'm going to join her on that adventure as well. After all, Whangarei has been kind of a bust when it comes to outdoor activities. Today, however, kicked ass. It's days like these that make you think someone is out there looking out for you. What an incredible experience, just the experience of living like this has been awesome. Carpe Diem.